Treat yourself to the Two Week Wait Cocktail!

Ladies, you’ve been through a lot. You’ve had your veins punctured, your uterine lining examined, your fallopian tubes possibly shot up with blue dye, your ovaries probed with a giant “wand.” You’ve had your eggs harvested and then sucked out of your body via a giant needle stabbed through your womb. You’ve been injected with hormones, forced to publicly declare that you’re “full flow,” subjected to never ending calls with your insurance company, and repeatedly financially gouged. Not to mention all the time – my GOD the time! – spent waiting for phone calls, or for the start of cycles, or for test results, or spent sitting in a doctor’s/hospital’s office/lobby, sometimes in a paper-thin gown & robe sans bra amongst a room full of rando husbands.

Aren’t you due for a little r&r? A little me time? A little treat? Well have I got the thing for you! Introducing The Two-Week Wait, aka The Implanted Egg, aka The Womb Swizzler.


  • 1 cup bone broth (beef or chicken, your choice!)
  • 1 slice pineapple core
  • 1 ml progesterone oil
  • 1 pre-natal vitamin
  • 1 fish oil capsule
  • 1 rose hips capsule
  • 1 baby aspirin
  • 2 estrogen patches


  1. Warm the bone broth
  2. Crush pre-natal vitamin, baby aspirin, fish oil capsule, and rose hips capsule
  3. Mix with progesterone oil
  4. Add mixture to bone broth, stir well
  5. Add pineapple core, making sure the pineapple is fully submerged and soaks up all that bone broth mixture goodness
  6. Garnish with estrogen patches

Now kick back and relax and enjoy your cocktail while listening to your post-transfer daily affirmations! Repeat after me, my uterus is strong and supple…

(Warning: cocktail may induce gagging, nausea, diarrhea, irritability, breast pain, stomach cramps, skin irritation, bloating, acne, dizziness, joint pain, mild headaches, hot flashes, and yes, wild mood swings.)

2 thoughts on “Treat yourself to the Two Week Wait Cocktail!

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